Supporting Motherless Daughters in Higher Education: A Quiet Gap in Student Wellbeing
Lynda Dullop shares her experiences of bereavement and how they helped shape the development of a peer support group.
I was 15 when my mother died.
There was no roadmap for what came next. No real conversations, no language around it.
I went back to school, carried on, and from the outside, I looked absolutely fine.
But what I’ve come to understand - years later - is that losing your mother at that age doesn’t go away.
It simply finds different ways to show up.
How It Shows Up in Students
What I see now - both from lived experience and from working with women - is that this pattern is far more common than we realise, particularly in high-achieving young women.
In many cases, early maternal loss is not the presenting issue.
Instead, it often appears as:
• Anxiety without a clear source
• Perfectionism and fear of failure
• Difficulty with identity, belonging, or self-trust
• Emotional overwhelm during periods of transition.
These students are often capable, articulate, and outwardly resilient.
Which is exactly why this can be missed.
Why University Is a Flashpoint
The transition to university can intensify underlying grief in subtle but significant ways.
For students without a maternal anchor, this period can bring:
• Heightened vulnerability
• A sense of disconnection
• Increased emotional load alongside academic pressure.
What presents as 'general anxiety' may, in part, be rooted in earlier loss.
How 'Still Her Daughter' Came About
For decades, I didn’t talk about losing my mother.
It was something I had learned to carry quietly.
But over time - through both my personal experience and my professional work with young people - I began to recognise the same patterns again and again in other women.
High-functioning. Capable. Coping.
But underneath, carrying something unresolved that didn’t quite fit into traditional support structures.
When I started opening up conversations around this, the response was immediate and overwhelming.
Women saying:
“I thought it was just me.”
“No one talks about this.”
“You’ve put into words what I’ve never been able to explain.”
It became clear that this wasn’t a niche issue.
It was a shared, but largely unspoken experience.
'Still Her Daughter' was created in response to that.
A Gap in Provision
University mental health services provide vital support.
However, maternal loss often sits outside clear clinical thresholds:
• Not acute enough for specialist intervention
• Not visible enough to be easily identified
• Not always framed as an ongoing factor in student wellbeing.
As a result, many students don’t access support that fully reflects their experience.
In practice, this often means students are supported for anxiety or overwhelm, without the underlying context of early maternal loss ever being explored.
A Complementary Approach
'Still Her Daughter' offers small, facilitated groups for women who have lost their mothers.
It is designed to sit alongside university provision:
• Non-clinical and accessible
• Small group format to enable connection
• Focused on long-term impact, not immediate grief
• Delivered online or in person.
The focus is not on revisiting trauma, but on helping participants:
• Understand how loss may be showing up in their lives
• Feel less isolated in their experience
• Build greater emotional awareness and resilience.
The outcome is simple but powerful:
Students feel understood - often for the first time.
When a Referral May Help
This may be relevant for students who:
• Lost their mother in childhood or adolescence
• Present as high-functioning but emotionally stretched
• Struggle with transitions, identity, or belonging
• Would benefit from peer-based, targeted support.
A Simple Addition to the Support Pathway
This is not a replacement for existing services.
It is a targeted, low-barrier addition for a specific group whose needs are often less visible.
Final Thought
“I thought it was just me.”
That is the phrase I hear most often.
With the right awareness and referral options, it doesn’t have to be.
If you are interested in finding out more about 'Still Her Daughter,' please contact Lynda directly by email: [email protected] or connect with Lynda on LinkedIn.
Lynda is particularly interested in working with UMHAN members to develop a pilot group at a university or tailoring this support for Higher Education Providers.
For more information about student bereavement and grief, visit:
